meme on me me

Thankyou for all your kind, kind comments. I've slept well through two nights since that hideous night but I still think about it all quite a bit. I don't think I'm being too harsh on myself - it's a nursing tendency to minimise the trauma of what we experience because, well, we're nurses. That is what we do. We should be fine with that. We know what comes with the territory. Thus I expected to go home and sleep reasonably OK and go back to work the next night. Since that didn't happen I am taking time to reflect, journal and cry and acknowledge the trauma and sadness. I'd love to tell you more, but both are coroner's cases and patient confidentiality also limits me. Suffice to say that I don't think anything we could have done would have changed the outcome in either case.

To lift the mood, or hide the pain in triteness, here's a meme Robyn tagged me for.

1.WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My mother's father. His name was Cecil.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Yesterday. (See previous post!) I cry a lot, especially when I'm tired. I'm nearly always tired. Not big weeps all the time of course, just lots of watery eyes, little sniffs...

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I love my handwriting. It stems from a heated competitiveness with another girl in Year 8 as we attempted to out-hand-write each other. Ridiculous I know, but it paid off in the end!

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Wallaby and Sundried Tomato Salami from my favourite butcher down the road.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Next question.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Only on my good days. I'd steer clear of me on my bad days.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT?
I always remember someone saying 'sarcasm is the lowest form of wit'. That being said, I use it more than I would like to but not in huge amounts.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No. But I'd love to parachute or paraglide. Accompanied of course.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Weetbix

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No. But I feel guilty when I don't and I promise myself that if I ever have children I will start undoing the laces then! I also have a friend with a well trained child who undoes her laces, so I try hard to remember to untie them at her place.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Sometimes.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Coffee or anything with berries or peppermint. Thank goodness for two scoops, that's all I can say!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their wedding ring. Nah... probably their face but I'm pretty slick with getting a glance at the wedding finger. No idea where that tendency comes from!

15. RED OR PINK?
Well, it depends what shade of red or pink you know... probably a nice dusky pink, although I wear both.

16. WHAT IS THE THING THAT YOU LIKE LEAST ABOUT YOURSELF?
My teeth, my skin, my too-often-nasty tongue, my... oh, I'll stop there.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
After travelling the world and moving every two years as I child there is no way I could choose one person I miss most... I miss lots and lots of people.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Hahaha... right now I'm sitting in a pretty green and pink flowered cotton camisole because I'm obsessed with blogging and am doing this before I even think about getting dressed.

20. HAVE YOU EVER RE-GIFTED?
I can't remember specifically doing it, though I have passed them on to the opshop. In fact I'm about to pass a few things on this year. (Nothing you gave me Mum, don't worry!)

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Birds tweeting happily in the cool morning air and people driving past to work.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Right now, Desert Sand... I resorted to this list! Otherwise I would have just said, I don't know, yellow cos it's cheerful?!

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Freshly mown grass and the smell of the earth as it just starts to rain. Haven't smelt either for ages, since we've had no rain and the sheep eat all the grass!

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
A random lady who just rang the wrong number 10 minutes ago.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Yes. Of course. Even if I didn't think she was reading I'd still say I like her! I like her a lot. :-)

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Tennis. Diving.

27. HAIR COLOR?
Dark Brown, with an ever increasing sprinkle of grey.

28. EYE COLOR ?
Blue as the blue sky.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No. But I have three pairs of glasses.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Totally mood driven. Right now it's fresh fruit and vegetables because it's hot, but catch me on another day and it might be Thai, Moroccan, Indian, Italian...

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS ?
Happy endings. I don't even bother watching the scary movies... I just get up and walk away anyway. Besides, aren't movies all about escaping reality? Happy endings do it for me every time.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Downfall. A war movie with a moderately happy ending... Frank's choice OK! We hired five movies (totally over watching them all by the end of it) and I chose three, Frank chose two. We liked all of them.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
I'm not wearing a shirt. (Don't worry, I am clothed! See above.)

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Spring? Can I say that? And autumn? I get totally tired of each season by the end of it and am very glad to see the new one as it rolls in.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs in public. Unless it's a child.

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Tiramisu... no, no... raspberries with vanilla icecream... no, no... self saucing chocolate pudding... um, no... fruitsalad... hang on a minute... baked lemon cheesecake... no, maybe it's... I think I just like dessert!

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
The Secret Message of Jesus, by Brian McLaren, The Song and the Truth by Helga Ruebsamen, Sex God by Rob Bell, The Arcanum by Janet Gleeson

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Don't have a mouse pad, just use the little thing on my laptop

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Bones (creepy)

42. FAVORITE SOUND?
Nature sounds... bubbling streams, nice birdsong, waves

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles.

44. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Technically England is about as far away as you can get from Australia isn't it? But in terms of feeling a long way from home, Kazakhstan and Tajikistan because it was so hard to get there. I felt completely cut off from everything.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I'm so multitalented I couldn't possibly choose...

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Dandenong, Victoria

OK, if you made it to the end of that consider yourself tagged!

thanks

Without even realising North America was gearing up for Thanksgiving, I wrote a post about feeling grateful enough to say a heartfelt thanks before my meals. I've now been reminded that Thanksgiving has almost come around, and Sandy has nominated me for a most excellent meme she created in which I must list three things I'm grateful for. So here goes:

1. Birds. I just love listening to their song. Admittedly we are mostly serenaded by sparrows, starlings and blackbirds - nothing exciting there, but even they sound cheerful most of the time and listening to them does my heart good. On Maria Island we were treated to the calls of magpies, kookaburras, skylarks, black cockatoos (ok, that's a screech not a song!) and robin red breasts. The birds, they remind me to be cheerful and sing for joy too.
2. My vegetable garden. It too does my heart good. I love puddling around pulling weeds, caressing leaves, pouring water, seeking out new growth. Actually I'm a little bit obsessed with the new growth - every day I'm down there peering through the bird netting to see how much they've shot up (the corn are doing nicely and the cucumber and pumpkin are putting out new leaves galore). As I ponder the garden I contemplate the life contained in a tiny seed and the time it takes for plants to reach maturity and bear fruit. This is no quick fix, instant vegetable machine... over weeks and months the produce is formed. I find this particularly encouraging, for in the plant life there is, I hope, a picture of my life. New life forming in me is no quick fix, instant, overnight success... over months and years I develop, grow, and mature. I'm thankful for the lessons I can learn through tending the garden.
   
3. It was a stinking hot day here today... 30 (86) degrees and it's not even summer. This is almost unheard of in Tasmania. While I put the house into lock down to ensure it stayed cool I started thinking about the sheep. Those poor, poor sheep wrapped up in their woolly coats, unable to take them off even for a moment. This is trite, but I was grateful I am not a sheep. I am also grateful for the window tinting in our new car... cuts out lots of the sun rays and heat. Is this too shallow? I hope not, because I really was very glad and grateful.

There you have it... three beautiful things I am thankful for. If you want to give thanks too, please take this meme and run with it!

weird meme

For those of you who know me, it probably comes as no surprise that I still haven't run out of things to say for Nablopomo! The ideas just keep on coming. But in the interests of a quick post I'm going to run with a meme Tracy nominated me for.

Here are the rules:

• Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
• Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
• Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
• Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. If I wasn't motivated by love for Frank I would probably not cook tea very often, resorting instead to rice crackers and chocolate. In fact I'm addicted to both, and frequently snack on them as I'm cooking tea... going on to eat a full tea of course. Which could explain the muffin top I see developing before my eyes. The only way to break this habit is to refrain from keeping either in the house.
2. I love the idea of being healthy, I even think I am healthy, and quite possibly other people consider I look healthy, but in reality I do little exercise and I snack on rubbish when no one is looking. (see point 1)
   
3. I've heard that we should all cultivate flexibility and one way of doing so is to follow a different route to work. I pride myself on being flexible, but I refuse to walk to work a different way. I don't feel like being observed at the traffic lights first thing in the morning so I choose a route that avoids all traffic lights. Yesterday I discovered another possible reason for this - I walk to town on my days off by a different route. I contemplated following the same path I trek to work but couldn't do it... too many associations. And then it clicked - the work path is a symbol of drudge and duty. The other route is a signal to rejoice for I am on a day off. Silly mind games.
4. I am capricious. Although I like to think I am not. But really I just pick and choose when I want to be principled. (Think eating vegan/vegetarian here. If I don't feel like it, I won't and hang the animals who suffer)
5. I like cleaning the bathroom. I think that possibly tops the list of weirdness!
6. I also like grocery shopping. This does not seem at all weird to me, but I realise some other people might find it so.
7. I never have time to do everything I need to... but I always find time to blog.

I'm not going to tag anybody, mostly because I'm running out of time and linking etc etc seems just too fiddly, but also because I'd hate to eliminate you from the game... so if you want to do it, just run with it!

chinese freeze tag

I've been tagged by Sandy. I know what that means, but what does 'chinese freeze tag' mean? I've googled it, and a million bloggers who've been playing the game appeared, but nothing that explained where 'chinese freeze' tag comes from! A cultural thing I'm thinking.

OK, this is the game. I have to tell you 10 interesting facts or habits about myself. Than I tag 10 more people who have to do the same thing. Around the globe, tagging forever.

1. My ideal life would be as a sheep or cow, grazing all the time. I don't do three square meals a day with no food in between, I just graze constantly on healthy food (if it's a good day) or junk (if it's a bad day). I justify this dreadful lack of eating discipline by recalling the "ideopathic hypoglycaemic" diagnosis I was given 8 years ago. I need to eat regularly!

2. My mind is almost never at rest. If I'm not blogging, reading or thinking, I'm probably drawing pictures in my head or practicing touch typing. I always draw the same thing (four houses in a 'circle' that you draw without lifting your pen off the page. If I'm really bored I continue on to a swirl that covers all the houses). I always type the same thing ("We are the reason that he gave his life, we are the reason that he suffered and died, for a world that was lost he gave all he could give, to give us a reason to live"). I'm sure this habit stems from the nightly sermons I endured as a teen at the tea table... I just drifted off into another place.

3. I'm highly distractable and easily bored. I read up to 10 books at once, rarely finish any of them, and can have three or four conversations with the same person at the same time, all running parallel to each other, connected by some obscure fact buried in the first sentence we spoke. A favourite past time is tracing back a conversation to discover how on earth I got from, say, sheep in the backyard to the way so and so did their hair today.

4. I hate being late (stemming from being dropped off right beside the school assembly on multiple occasions. Eventually the teacher asked Dad to be on time or drop us off somewhere else because nobody could hear what was being said at assembly), but I nearly always am. Not because I am really late, but because I am really early so I decide to do a couple of extra things on the way. And then I am late.

5. I hate it when people rev their engine loudly, or are obviously speeding. To teach them a lesson or two, I've developed the rather bad habit of staring them down. As I go to cross the road I carefully check for traffic. If a car is approaching at what I consider to be too fast a speed, I step out anyway and stroll across the road, eyeballing them the whole way. They invariably slow down and I always reach the safety of the other curb. I don't consider this to be playing chicken, rather I am encouraging safe driving on city streets. Of course this only works on relatively quiet streets such as can be found in Tasmania. I would not do this in London or New York or Manila or Istanbul!

6. I rather enjoy studying. I have two bachelor degrees and am working on a graduate certificate, with the goal of a masters one day. Maybe even two masters. I have hit a slight glitch though - I have a 3000 word assignment due today, which I discovered on Saturday when tidying up the papers on my desk. I will be late, and I'm not sure the two week 'grace period' extends to monumental disorganisation. But I'm going to try.

7. When I go grocery shopping I take a list, which I stick to until I hit the dairy section. Then I buy all sorts of enticing cheeses because they seem healthy... or fashionable. I'm talking Ricotta and Cottage cheese and Mascarpone here, not Blue vein or Camembert! The cheeses then sit in my fridge for weeks because I forgot which recipe I thought they might be good for, until they are so far past their use by date that not even I will venture to open the packet and see if they're OK. They are then tossed in the rubbish. All that money wasted. I must stop doing this!

8. I'm a bit of an ostrich. (Explaining why I'm blogging right now instead of feverishly producing 3000 words for my assignment) If I owe someone a letter, I don't immediately grab pen and paper and write. No. I feel so bad for taking so long to reply that I put off replying for even longer! Same with emails. Same with anything I should have done. I just duck my head and hope it will go away. The earth is still spinning on its axis, so I guess that means some things do go away and all remains well with the world.

9. I'm a fairly tidy person, but I need one space for messiness. As I tidy up the rest of the house, everything gets put in the messy space until I tidy the messy space. This could be weeks away and then it takes me several hours to sort through. Right now I'm staring at a whole week of sorting. Ostrich thoughts happening here! Interestingly, Frank likes things clean on the surface, so he goes around after me putting things away. So I can be an ostrich for even longer! Except I have no idea where anything is, so I have to clean up sooner. Frank is that your ploy?!

10. A favourite habit Frank and I have developed is reading together. Different books, different topics, but in the same room. As we find things particularly humerous or interesting we read them out to each other. It's very cosy and companionable. I love it.

There's my ten! Now for the tagging:

Robyn, Tamar, Merry, Leah, Michelle, Luke, Melissa, Jenny, Paige... that's all I can think of. And I understand if you don't want to do it, but I only read a few blogs, so all hands on deck! Enjoy or ignore as you choose.

confessions of a blogging junkie

Some time ago Cherie and Sandy awarded me with a Thinking Blogger Award. Thankyou to both for conferring such an honour on my humble, and often rather inane blog!

I have just one problem with all the attention.
No. It's not the attention that bothers me... I love being at the centre of things!

It's just that I'm a great believer in escapism. Well I'm not really an escapist, but I resort to it with great regularity! When life is busy and tasks threaten to overwhelm me, when my mind won't stop playing merry-go-round - what better than a sweet, unlikely movie that momentarily has me believing that anything is possible, and all ends with love and peace? Further, what is more reassuring than blogging? Reading about other people's lives, escaping to their worlds, discovering better or worse situations than my own, forgetting my life for a moment? Not much beats a good blog fest I tell you!

In the spirit of escapism, my usual blogging fare is rather trivial. Not that I haven't come across a few deeper, more meaningful contributions to the blogosphere, but they're all nominated as thinking blogs already. That, or my brain hurts too much to read other thinking blogs.

There you have it. The truth of my blog reading habits revealed.

If not according to the exact rules of this meme, in the spirit of this meme I hereby present two blogs I find frequently thought provoking but also happily sprinkled with froth and bubble.

1. Lucidiocy reviews world events in her clever Parliament of One. I keep reading to check out her amazing self-portraits and quirky personal insights because she makes me think about things. But as I say, it hurts at times.

2. Recently I came across My Pink Toes, where Leah writes about some of the things I do think about if I doing any thinking at all! Of course that's not what got me in... it was her "Who am I?" page where I found not only Leah, but also bits of myself. Who can resist a little self reflection?!

That's as deep as I can go I'm afraid. Please don't be offended if I haven't listed you. I don't visit your blog to think - I visit to escape, to practice voyeurism, to share your kids, to keep up-to-date, to giggle, to journey with you around the globe. All worthy causes don't you think? So if you're listed or not, your blogs give me pleasure. Thankyou.

OK, Lucidiocy and Leah, you're tagged. The rules are:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn't fit your blog).

I leave it up to you whether you keep the meme going! Happy thinking.

meme-ories

Spam annoys me silly, but for some reason memes don't raise the same degree of ire in me.

Spam demands a response when it plops into my inbox. Sift and delete, sift and delete... or, if they're particularly captivating, forward... it's all rather time consuming. Memes don't ring out with the same degree of urgency. They are posted and I can take them or leave them. Engage or ignore. Respond or let lie.

One year my cousin sent out a 'questionnaire' spam that ended with: 'Person least likely to respond'. She selected me, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy, and to this day I have done nothing with that email (oh - I might have deleted it). In fact I've done nothing with most of the spam that flits across my monitor, save deleting it.

So now would seem an appropriate time to break the habit of a cyberspace-lifetime and respond to a meme-ory invitation. There's no pressure and I feel almost drawn to engage - because I don't have to, but I choose to. Because I want to prove I can break the cycle. And because Robyn is my friend.

OK, here goes... meme-ories of my blog.

most serious post:
guatemala, waxing and the enormous gulf between
A post that reflected on how truly charmed my life is. Too often I slump into the depths of despair, eaten up by thoughts of all I do not have. This post provided me an opportunity to take stock of what I do have, and to give thanks.

most romantic post:
not enough containers (or 'someone's gotta do it')
I still haven't written that romantic blog revealing my Frank as the best husband in the whole wide world. Call me starry-eyed, but he's nigh on perfect. (This week, anyway!) This post will have to suffice - the lines might not ooze romance but the location was perfect for weaving a magical web of delight around us. (contented sigh)

'all about me' post:
meme-ories
This is a tricky one - I must admit to having something of a love affair with myself. Consequently every post is about me, one way or another. And a post devoted to my blog about me? Well that takes the cake!

If you really want to visit some of my more self absorbed renditions, you could try australian idol eat your heart out, or the enigma of age, or revealing meme, or even 32 today. Whichever you choose, you can't miss just how much I like talking about myself.

funniest post:
vegies for sale - and bugs as well
So he was funny and made me laugh. But I don't mind poking fun at myself either - let it all hang out for everyone to see! If you'd rather laugh at me than the funny man you could try sprung or smashing through utter exhaustion.

And if you have as warped a sense of humour as I do, watch this - no one ended up commenting when I posted it so I'm guessing they didn't find it funny, didn't get it and didn't know how to tell me... no matter... I still laugh every time I watch it. Hehehe.


Alternatively, if you have no interest in reading any of these posts - that's fine! In the spirit of memes you are free to engage and respond. You are free to ignore. You are free to flick to the next blog. No pressure at all!

Gotta love those memes.

revealing meme

As you know, I am totally enraptured by blogs. Writing them, reading them - doesn't matter. I may be too busy to contemplate tackling a host of useful tasks, but I'm never too busy to blog.

The more I blog, and the more blogs I read, the more fascinated I am by the whole concept of revelation and privacy in cyberspace. Some people hide behind code names, others fearlessly reveal every last detail down to their surname. Whatever tack we take, we all reveal ourselves in part, pulling back the curtain of our souls to the degree we feel safe.

I am fairly open. I use my real name, but I don't provide my surname. I talk about real events and I splash my emotions around for the world to read. I feel as if through my writing, you, my readers, know me. I even feel as if I know you through your writing.

In reality, even the most open of us provide only the narrowest of glimpses into our world. How can we ever fit our whole life into a few small posts? The emotions, events, people, hobbies, food, cleaning, reading, gardening, travels, scenery, smells, relationships, joys, heartaches that make up every minute of our existence can never be fully captured no matter how hard we try. As much as I might think I'm revealing my world, I'm not. Not much.

So here is a meme to fill you in on some of the extra details of me. For those of you as ignorant as me, according to Wikipedia, a meme is a unit of cultural information transferable from one mind to another. Memes can replicate and spread, propogating themselves. This meme has been propogating through several blogs I've read, and now I bring it to you.

Five things you don't know about me:

1. I sing, play the piano and am learning the violin. I do all three averagely, being a self-taught singer who croons in church, a lapsed pianist who quit classical training because of heavy study commitments (looking back, I had no idea what a heavy study commitment was and if I regret anything in my life, it is my decision to not continue piano lessons. I still play in church, but I am a lazy player), and a beginner violinist who picked up the art three years ago when my relationship with Frank appeared doomed and I had angst a-plenty to pour through the strings. Obviously I love music!
2. My most embarrassing moment occurred last year when I set off the 'code black' (personal threat) alarm at work. I had long been fascinated by a small black box on the wall of the room used for nursing seminars. On this particular day, no one was turning up for the lecture I had planned and in my boredom my eyes lit upon the little black box. I gingerly tiptoed over and started fiddling around, my curiousity particularly piqued by the hidden red button which of course I pressed. Nothing happenned, though I was slightly disturbed when I realised the button did not return to its original position. No matter. A graduate eventually arrived, and as we chatted the 'code' beeps blared out across the hospital. "Code Black Margaret Macke room" and slowly it filtered into my consciousness that I had in fact pushed an emergency alarm. Security and staff flew in from everywhere, only to find me red faced and flustered by my foolish mistake.
3. I have visited twenty countries in the world, ranging from North America to Europe to Asia. Travelling seems to be in my blood - this year Frank and I are contemplating a trip to visit his ancestral home in Eastern Europe.
4. I like the house to be tidy, but find it physically impossible to maintain this through every last corner. Consequently I have one room that is in a perpetual state of disorder - any mess from the rest of the house ends up there, waiting for the day when I will create a tidy nook for it.
5. I don't have my ears pierced because I was never allowed, but at the age of 25 I got my nose pierced. Three of us went to a seedy little hovel in London and placed our lives in the hands of a potentially drugged piercing artist. Thankfully she used a gun, so there was little risk of contamination. Initially I felt stunned and wondered if I should be classified as a punk who decorates themselves with chains from ear to nose to navel. Soon I felt freed by the stud. I proved that Christianity and spirituality are not about outward appearance - I can wear a nose stud and talk to God. Impressive! I love my nose stud, I love what it says about me, and I love what it says about God.

So there you have it - five new things you've learned about me, filling in the shape of Cecily. I now pass this along so that you too can reveal a little more of yourself to us.