32 today

The big birthday has finally arrived! Since I had my age-crisis almost a month ago I am quite happy today. And besides, cards, presents and candle lit breakfasts are not to be moped over. This is a day to rejoice and celebrate and love life.

Which I will. Soon. I just need to finish the pondering I started yesterday.

Contrary to popular opinion and the posts on this blog, my life is not perfect. Far from it.

There are things I want that I do not have. At times I am overwhelmed by the intensity of my longing for them, and the pain of hope denied runs deep. I am tempted to wallow in self-pity, to give up on life, or worst of all, to descend into bitterness, none of which provide particularly attractive alternatives. To avoid these horrors I'm working at living with the pain and relishing the wonderful gifts that I do have.

The other day I walked past a young Down's Syndrome girl. She would have been in her early teens and was dressed in a bright yellow dress over a purple t-shirt. She had a look of joy on her face - the excitement in her expression was tangible, and she got me to thinking. Here was somebody who's life was not perfect - certainly not in the sense we shallowly judge perfection in the West. She represents an anomaly that we do our best to avoid in this society. And yet she was beautiful, walking along in her colourful clothes with her wonderous smile.

I'm crying as I think about her - can my life not be like that too? Not perfect, and full of unsatisfied longings. But beautiful just the same. Wonderous and delightful nevertheless.

Bother, I've messed up my carefully applied makeup. I must be off to repair it, and to revel in my delightful life! Frank and I are heading to Tasman Peninsular for a few days of exploration of our convict history, gentle bushwalks, candle lit dinners. How good is that?

I can't complain really. 32 years young and life is good.