Sunday, March 21, 2010

three things to aim for

The act of putting pen to paper encourages pause for thought, this in turn makes us think more deeply about life, which helps us regain our equilibrium. ~Norbet Platt
Writing, I think, is not apart from living. Writing is a kind of double living. The writer experiences everything twice. Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits always before or behind. ~Catherine Drinker Bowen, Atlantic, December 1957

I haven't been writing much lately and I notice the difference it makes. Time slips by without being marked or remembered. I reflect less, and struggle to engage fully with experiences.

I haven't exercised much the last week or two either, and that definitely makes a difference. My legs ache a lot more and it seems to be harder to get to sleep at night. (Or does that just come with a few more years to my name?!)

I have made it to meditation once this year, and on Friday I am attending a seminar on teaching stillness and silence. I guess if I'm going to teach children to be still, I should do it regularly myself! No doubt there are legion reasons why this would benefit me - I just need to tap into them!

Crazy that I resigned from one of my jobs and still can't find time to do these things... it all comes down to choices I suppose.

This isn't much of a post, but it is a step in the right direction. I've written something. The trick is to write more, exercise more and stop and meditate more! You can all keep me accountable perhaps.

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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

the longest 25 minutes of my life

A few weeks ago I was watching a documentary on time. Apparently those clever scientists have discovered we can experience time at different speeds. So while time is racing for me, it may well be racing even faster for you. Or slower. Bit of a spin out that I can't get my head around, something to do with all those extra dimensions we don't really know about, string theory, and, and...

Well, now I have proof, my very own personal proof, that time truly is warped.

I decided it was about time I went to meditation again, so I tootled off with time to spare so I would arrive calm and in a good pre-meditative state.

And then we sat and sat, and the others talked about their weekend retreat, and I thought we'd never get to meditation, and I could feel my body sinking deeper into the chair and my eyelids edging ever downwards. Damn.

And when finally we started meditating, I was already so relaxed I could not hold a one word mantra together in my mind and I started day dreaming. Wonderful, soft, floating dreams, so real and inviting and JOLT... the head jerked back and forward and I woke up.

Mantra, mantra, mantra, dreaming, JOLT. Over and over again. And each dream seemed like a lifetime and I was wanting to engage with its goodness, and JOLT.

After six or seven such moments I clenched my jaw and determined to stay awake without moving a muscle. Leg cramps, itchy nose, rumbling stomach, dry mouth, but I held it together for what seemed like a lifetime.

Surely we had been meditating for an hour or more? It must be dark outside by now. Everyone else tucked up in bed while we silently chanted mantras to ourselves.

Eons later the gong sounded and we all slowly opened our eyes and stretched. The sun still shone, people were barely finishing work and (I still can't quite believe this) only twenty five minutes had passed.

Twenty five minutes? Ludicrous. We didn't even make it to thirty? My body was telling me something else altogether.

I suppose for the people counting down to knock-off time, the minutes may have dragged on as long as mine. For the other meditators, perhaps the twenty five minutes passed quite smoothly. It is possible busy mums experienced those twenty five minutes in a trice, and they came up short on time for all those little jobs calling out to them. Did we all experience time at different speeds? I would have to think so. There is no way that twenty five minute was a regular twenty five, I'm telling you!

Now, can I bear to go to meditation again? I suppose if it means my year passes more slowly, it might be worth it.

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