is someone trying to say something here (or 'fair trade. it's important')

Everywhere I went today I tripped over fair trade. I thought someone was trying to tell me something (and maybe they were), but it turns out it's fair trade fortnight and the airwaves are consequently chock full of information.

The first item I stumbled across was on Bush Telegraph. Michael Cathcart interviewed the executive director of Fairtrade Australia and New Zealand and the chairman of the Highlands Organic Agricultural Co-operative which represents growers in the Papua New Guinea Highlands. I was so encouraged to hear what fairtrade dollars are doing for this community in PNG. Their government struggles to provide funding for schools, hospitals and roads, so the community has used the extra money they receive for their coffee to pay for classrooms, mattresses and road repairs. I am committed to fair trade on principle, but to hear the benefits this has was tremendous.

Enter Coles, and sure enough, the fair trade chocolate (Cocolo) was still missing from the top shelf, where you normally can't reach it (leave alone see it) without growing Inspector Gadget arms. I had noticed it was gone last week but thought it might be a mistake. No. The fair trade chocolate was gone. Mostly I buy our chocolate from the local Oxfam store (seriously, this is some of the nicest fair trade chocolate I've tasted), but I try to support the supermarket in their fair trade efforts, so often pick up a block or two to scoff down nibble on on the way home. I decided to let Coles know I noticed this change, particularly as they had filled the gap with Lindt - the biggest, baddest, most heartless chocolate company of the lot. Talk about an insult! So I filled out a 'comment' form and handed it to the nearest staff member. She took one look and told me I should send it straight to head office, as local stores have very little control over what lines they carry. So Coles, there is a letter on the way to you requesting an explanation for why Cocolo fair trade chocolate is no longer available in your Charles Street store.

Oooh, I thought. What a coincidence - first the radio, now Coles. I'm having a fair trade day! Call me slow, but I still hadn't clicked into the whole fair trade fortnight thing. Until I came home this evening to a message from friends and realised it was all more than a string of coincidences:

'Thought you might be interested in Four Corners. Their report tonight is on fair trade chocolate.'

Sadly we missed the report, but (gotta love the internet) I'll catch up on it tomorrow. My friends said it was a little disappointing to hear some fair trade funds in Africa are misappropriated, but this pales in comparison to the exploitation of children as slaves in the production of chocolate.

Fair trade has been a cause dear to my heart for a long time. I'm delighted it is receiving so much airplay this fortnight, but more than that, I hope the awareness raising will make a difference in the long run for those people who suffer greatly for our little luxury.

a very enjoyable evening

I was getting myself all stressed this afternoon - the BIG Christmas do was on. I have four possible Christmas parties to attend this year, which is what comes of working several jobs. In the interests of spending a little less, I'm attending three of the four.

Tonight was event number two, and in my mind it had become the preeminent do; the party to beat all parties. Something to do with the effort and hoo hah I knew many were undertaking to beautify themselves for the big night. We're talking fake tans, hairdresser up dos and cute little cocktail dresses. I had the distinct feeling that in comparison to all this, I may well look something of a frump. Now there's a comforting thought. Harrumph.

Around six pm I was engaged in a game of musical clothes. This top with those trousers. (Nope, too tight) Those trousers with that top. (Uh uh, too boring) That top with three quarter jeans. (Hmmm, too casual?) These trousers, that blouse, white shirt, green flowery tee... on and on, until finally I settled for the dress, which was my original plan until the weather had suddenly turned cold.

It set me to reflecting on beauty, confidence, consumerism and contentment. I would like to be someone who could rock up in clothes that were not exactly in fashion, and just not care. (I almost pulled it off, although perhaps I could have claimed more complete success if I had settled for the original outfit of trousers and top that were boring, but quite nice and definitely warm) I wanted to believe what I tell the girls at school - no one looks at you as much as you do, they're all too busy looking at themselves. Unless they're looking at you to pull your appearance to pieces because they are unhappy with themselves, but I don't tell the girls about that. Let them find some self love first, be comfortable in their own skin, then let them down slowly. (I think I managed to convince myself on this one - I was sufficiently happy with how I looked to admire all the pretty dresses and perfect tans - those girls looked gorgeous, believe me!) And I was pleased I hadn't spent lots of money trying to look a certain way (it doesn't matter that much what we look like in the end), and more particularly that the dress I wore was an ethical number. I know who made it, where, the conditions they worked under and that they were paid fairly. (Check out Eternal Creation for more ethical, gorgeous and incredibly high quality items!)

It's a complicated thing, appearances, fashion and feeling comfortable in my own skin. Maybe one day I'll tap into the river of confidence such that I stop worry worrying how I compare to everyone else. In the meantime I looked nice enough and had a good time chatting with lots of lovely people. We're all the same on the inside!

And now I must go and put all the discarded clothes back in the drawers and cupboards from whence they came...

cracks in my conscience

The trouble with campaigning for causes is that you are bound to trip up at some point. It's inevitable. The decisions we make around spending, energy use and food are all complicated, as if there is a sliding scale between extremely bad choices and angelically good. At times there is no valid explanation for my movement up and down this ethical scale. If I'm tired I am more likely to give into cravings and desires. If I'm miserable I comfort myself one way or another. If I think life is just too hard I'll give in to the easy choice. Maybe that's shallow, or maybe it is just the reality of living in a complicated world where every decision I make effects another person somewhere, or warms the earth that little bit more.

One of my campaign platforms is buying fair trade. Frank and I stopped eating Cadbury chocolate because it was not fair trade. We even went so far as to reduce our overall chocolate consumption because, funnily enough, it is too expensive to eat fair trade chocolate in vast quantities - something to do with people not being exploited and instead being paid a fair amount for their labour and products.

I've had many an interesting conversation with people about this issue. Some get it, some don't. Some like Lindt and Nestle and Cadbury chocolate too much to give them up. That's OK - at least we're all thinking about the issue now.

It's easy to get up on my giddy little high horse sometimes. Aren't I so good doing all this fair trade, healthy eating, reduced carbon footprint living?

And right there she falls in a heap.

I was at work. We'd just had a big discussion about fair trade chocolate. The Gen Y's of the room claimed they did not care. They lived for themselves and that's the way they like it. We Gen X and baby boomers decried such selfish, insular living before we all got on with the work in front of us.

Later in the day a generous, kindly soul came around with chocolates from the departing nursing students. I was busy with a patient and thought I'd get one in a second, but by the time I was ready, the chocolates were gone.

Gasp. I was salivating - bring those things back!

The chocolates were quickly returned, I made my selection and the chocolate bearer apologised. "I didn't think you'd want one because they are not fair trade," she said.

Oh yes, there's a crack in my conscience there alright. And another one over there. And, oh yes, the other day I bought something else from the 'forbidden' list.

Decisions, decisions. It's impossible to get it right all the time, sometimes because it truly is impossible, other times because of the cracks, when I twist things around to suit myself and do what I want. I guess the only thing to do is keep plugging away and aiming to improve all the time. If only I could, I'd make the world a better place, and I think I can, but only a bit at a time.