a very enjoyable evening
I was getting myself all stressed this afternoon - the BIG Christmas do was on. I have four possible Christmas parties to attend this year, which is what comes of working several jobs. In the interests of spending a little less, I'm attending three of the four.
Tonight was event number two, and in my mind it had become the preeminent do; the party to beat all parties. Something to do with the effort and hoo hah I knew many were undertaking to beautify themselves for the big night. We're talking fake tans, hairdresser up dos and cute little cocktail dresses. I had the distinct feeling that in comparison to all this, I may well look something of a frump. Now there's a comforting thought. Harrumph.
Around six pm I was engaged in a game of musical clothes. This top with those trousers. (Nope, too tight) Those trousers with that top. (Uh uh, too boring) That top with three quarter jeans. (Hmmm, too casual?) These trousers, that blouse, white shirt, green flowery tee... on and on, until finally I settled for the dress, which was my original plan until the weather had suddenly turned cold.
It set me to reflecting on beauty, confidence, consumerism and contentment. I would like to be someone who could rock up in clothes that were not exactly in fashion, and just not care. (I almost pulled it off, although perhaps I could have claimed more complete success if I had settled for the original outfit of trousers and top that were boring, but quite nice and definitely warm) I wanted to believe what I tell the girls at school - no one looks at you as much as you do, they're all too busy looking at themselves. Unless they're looking at you to pull your appearance to pieces because they are unhappy with themselves, but I don't tell the girls about that. Let them find some self love first, be comfortable in their own skin, then let them down slowly. (I think I managed to convince myself on this one - I was sufficiently happy with how I looked to admire all the pretty dresses and perfect tans - those girls looked gorgeous, believe me!) And I was pleased I hadn't spent lots of money trying to look a certain way (it doesn't matter that much what we look like in the end), and more particularly that the dress I wore was an ethical number. I know who made it, where, the conditions they worked under and that they were paid fairly. (Check out Eternal Creation for more ethical, gorgeous and incredibly high quality items!)
It's a complicated thing, appearances, fashion and feeling comfortable in my own skin. Maybe one day I'll tap into the river of confidence such that I stop worry worrying how I compare to everyone else. In the meantime I looked nice enough and had a good time chatting with lots of lovely people. We're all the same on the inside!
And now I must go and put all the discarded clothes back in the drawers and cupboards from whence they came...