christmas is confounding

I have to confess, Christmas confounds and disturbs me.

Not the excess, though that is troubling enough - eating until we are more than full; giving and receiving of gifts that are just so much stuff no one really needs (and, too often, don't even want); crackers filled with lame jokes and lamer pieces of plastic we only throw away; wrapping, wrapping and more wrapping; cards; trees; lights; wreaths; candy cane; sleighs; santa hats; elf outfits; lollies... the stuff of Christmas out of context and out of control.

Family joy and love are also the stuff of Christmas, unmissable in every advertisement, enticing us to buy with their feel good tableau and enchanting music. Well, they are the stuff of Christmas in a few select families, while the rest of us slog it out around tense tables laden with misapprehension and disappointment, ably accompanied by the ghosts of conversations past, and those feel-good-Christmas models who make us wish we could be just like the advertisements. This too is disturbing, but still not the main cause of my Christmas angst.

At this point I should possibly admit to feeling more than a little repugnance towards the roly-poly, lovely jubbly, ever laughing, slightly nauseating Santa. He is simply everywhere. There is no escape. This year, before visiting classrooms to share the Christmas story, I decided to get the low down on Santa. Fascinating as the story was, it was a little troubling to discover the almost inane origins of the fat man in red - not entirely (as one might expect) based on Saint Nicholas, rather built on a trite little poem penned in 1823, called 'A visit from St Nicholas' or 'Twas the night before Christmas'. From here, all that was beautiful and meaningful about Saint Nicholas was gradually lost in favour of an increasingly rotund Christmas elf who could fit down chimneys and garner adoration from generations of children. Before long, corporations realised the pulling power of this merry man, and soon Santa could be found wooing us all to hand over our hard earned cash. The commercialisation of Christmas was well and truly on its way, to the point that today, companies care more about how much money has passed through their tills than the true spirit of Christmas.

True, this sorry state of Christmas affairs disturbs me, but what bothers me most is the story at the centre of it all. The birth of a boy child to a virgin mother. Preposterous, wouldn't you agree? An angel appears, tells a good girl she will become the mother of the one who will save us all through the work of the Holy Spirit. She is a little scared, but agrees to be part of the big plan, and in nine months, sure enough, she gives birth to a baby boy. What kind of a crazy story is this? Who could believe it? It is, quite simply, beyond the realms of possibility. And this is what gets me about Christmas, because every year I am confronted with the same story, and every year I must choose - believe it or not?

Not that this reckoning and re-examining is a bad thing - it shakes off complacency - but it isn't really comfortable. (And isn't Christmas all about comfort? See above) Rituals and remembering give strength and comfort of their own, I suppose. Certainly for me they offer and opportunity to consider my beliefs and reaffirm them.

So why choose to reaffirm belief in a story that is in many ways beyond belief? I suppose because I see it as part of a bigger story, one in which Jesus offers the way of hope and peace and love. If we truly listened to the message he brought, and followed him in the paths he took, the world would be a different place. (Now is not the time to discuss the blindingly obvious failures of many to truly follow Jesus in the way he wanted) I love the potential for transformation in the way of Jesus, the possibility of revolutionary change, the whisper of hope that could wipe out injustice and pain and tears and death.

Looking at the state of the world right now, the hope, potential, promise found in Jesus seems as impossible as a virgin birth. If I have the courage to choose to believe in one seeming absurdity, can I find it within me to believe in another?

By faith I can.

That is what it all comes down to really. Faith. I can't prove Jesus was born of a virgin. I can't prove he will come back and make this sorry mess of a world new. But I find enough of promise and hope in Jesus' words and actions to believe in what I cannot see. I believe with enough faith to find my way through the mess of our world for another year. Until next Christmas, when I examine it all again.

a very enjoyable evening

I was getting myself all stressed this afternoon - the BIG Christmas do was on. I have four possible Christmas parties to attend this year, which is what comes of working several jobs. In the interests of spending a little less, I'm attending three of the four.

Tonight was event number two, and in my mind it had become the preeminent do; the party to beat all parties. Something to do with the effort and hoo hah I knew many were undertaking to beautify themselves for the big night. We're talking fake tans, hairdresser up dos and cute little cocktail dresses. I had the distinct feeling that in comparison to all this, I may well look something of a frump. Now there's a comforting thought. Harrumph.

Around six pm I was engaged in a game of musical clothes. This top with those trousers. (Nope, too tight) Those trousers with that top. (Uh uh, too boring) That top with three quarter jeans. (Hmmm, too casual?) These trousers, that blouse, white shirt, green flowery tee... on and on, until finally I settled for the dress, which was my original plan until the weather had suddenly turned cold.

It set me to reflecting on beauty, confidence, consumerism and contentment. I would like to be someone who could rock up in clothes that were not exactly in fashion, and just not care. (I almost pulled it off, although perhaps I could have claimed more complete success if I had settled for the original outfit of trousers and top that were boring, but quite nice and definitely warm) I wanted to believe what I tell the girls at school - no one looks at you as much as you do, they're all too busy looking at themselves. Unless they're looking at you to pull your appearance to pieces because they are unhappy with themselves, but I don't tell the girls about that. Let them find some self love first, be comfortable in their own skin, then let them down slowly. (I think I managed to convince myself on this one - I was sufficiently happy with how I looked to admire all the pretty dresses and perfect tans - those girls looked gorgeous, believe me!) And I was pleased I hadn't spent lots of money trying to look a certain way (it doesn't matter that much what we look like in the end), and more particularly that the dress I wore was an ethical number. I know who made it, where, the conditions they worked under and that they were paid fairly. (Check out Eternal Creation for more ethical, gorgeous and incredibly high quality items!)

It's a complicated thing, appearances, fashion and feeling comfortable in my own skin. Maybe one day I'll tap into the river of confidence such that I stop worry worrying how I compare to everyone else. In the meantime I looked nice enough and had a good time chatting with lots of lovely people. We're all the same on the inside!

And now I must go and put all the discarded clothes back in the drawers and cupboards from whence they came...

recess

The author of 'happy chatter' wishes to advise this blog is entering a time of recess. This decision has been taken in view of the general trend toward unhappy chatter in her writings of late. It has nothing to do with the recent lack of interest in her scrawling whines and everything to do with the need for rejuvenating time out. Happy chatter anticipates she will return to regale you with fresh news and insights in the very near future.

The author of 'happy chatter' would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your readership and cyber friendship. She wishes you all the best for a peaceful and joyous Christmas with family and friends, and looks forward to renewed interactions in 2009.

10 sure fire inducements to christmas cheer when one is tempted to mope

1. Repeat to self: 'It's not all about me, it's not all about me'
2. Read Psalm 103 for a little additional perspective
   
3. Listen to uplifting music (This was my CD of choice today. Never fails to work)
4. Bounce on a fitball for fifteen minutes and giggle at the silly sight you just made
5. Sit in the sun and feel the warmth on your skin
6. Contemplate new life
7. Enjoy coffee with good friends
8. Eat chocolate
9. Drink a bottle of bubbly all on your own
10. Pack your bags for a summer holiday