use it or lose it

We had a small gathering at our house today, in which I was an MC of sorts. The event was low key and ran smoothly, but I didn't feel comfortable in the MC role.

I'm not really sure what's going on there. I used to lead services at church, sang in front of congregations all the time and did so much public speaking I didn't suffer from nerves very much. (Although I did seem to have an adrenalin rush after the event, shaking for half an hour or so) It feels strange to be so lacking in confidence in front of seven people.

This isn't the only time it has happened. In other small groups I've felt out of place and unpractised, and when presenting at work training I have lacked boldness in my presentation.

Perhaps it's a case of 'use it or lose it'... I haven't been using it so I'm losing it.

I suppose it's possible that something else entirely is going on. When I speak publicly in front of a large group I tend to get into character - not that I'm faking it, but I steel myself for the event, run over in my mind what I want to say, and get my head into a particular space. In a small group I just go with the flow. No special head space, no character, just pure, unadulterated Cecily. Maybe the public persona carried me through, and I need to find it again... I'm certainly missing my previous levels of confidence.

(Hopefully I find them quickly. I think I'm leading the community singing at a nearby carols event in a few weeks!)

cultivating the gift

Saturday is usually my slow down day. I slow down until 7:30, before jumping up and doing all the housework that has built up during the week. Depending on how thorough I am, that takes me up to lunch time, and then I slow down again before I crown the day by throwing myself into the kitchen and preparing a suitably time consuming weekend dinner. The whole thing flys by far too quickly, and before I know it, Saturday is over and I am thrown into the Sunday busyness of church.

Not today, however. Today was a completely different affair.

At Frank's suggestion, I booked myself into a vocal training session for the morning, so I toddled off at ten to nine for a morning with Erana. That's Erana Clark, the vocal coach of Australian Idol.

It was a fun time. My curiosity was sated by all the insider gossip of last year's idols - and I even learned a thing or two about singing! Like: your voice is a gift. Cultivate it. And warm up, warm up, warm up. And centre yourself at the beginning of each song. And experiment with the shape of your mouth. And know your lyrics. And...

Nothing ground breaking, but there were lots of tips for the taking. Now I just need to make the most of them. (I guess I'll be up at 6am in the morning, so I can fit in a shower and a thirty minute warm up before church!)

I was encouraged by the mock auditions - I think I can safely say that I sing better than most of them! Yay. Still - no idol auditions for me next year, despite their coming to this city for the first time - I'm over the age limit. Maybe I could fudge my age? Oh, that's right... I'm totally content with not being an idol star!

So that was the pleasant aberration from my usual Saturday routine. I've managed to fill the afternoon with minimal housework interspersed with random songs. Just cultivating my gift!