Monday, January 22, 2007

revenge of the spiders

It's after ten and I really should be in bed, but I just don't want to go there. Not that I'm not tired, it's just that a spider jumped out of the bedclothes this morning.

You read right - A SPIDER JUMPED OUT OF THE BEDCLOTHES this morning! Not just a friendly little jumping spider, not even a creepy daddy long legs - a 2cm long, reddish brown, hairy number that hitherto I have been unable to identify though I suspect he snuck in two nights ago when the front door was open and it rained outside.

This little creature has hung like a spectre over my whole day - running across my feet, dangling from my hair, tickling my arm, lurking in dark corners, jumping out of drawers. Of course, when I go to catch and destroy him, there's no trace of him and the spectre dances on across my mind.

Today's event caps off a couple of interesting spider incidents, one involving a jumping spider that I unwittingly tortured in a most cruel way.

The little fellow, decorated with a cheerful yellow stripe, was trying to walk down the side of the oven. Except the oven was on and it was burning his little feet, poor thing. He kept swinging out from the metal surface to escape, but, unable to maintain his position in midair, returned over and over to the searing heat of the oven. Soon he gave up and scurried back to the stove top where I waited, stirring a pot of stew. Momentarily defeated, he dropped himself a few centimetres from the stove overhang and curled up into a ball. Of course I blew hot air on him (how could I resist?) and he set off to prance around on the side of the oven once more. Poor little thing - he was obviously in pain, but my soft spot for jumping spiders does not extend to search and rescue. I let him be. Eventually he figured out that if he jumped far enough he would land on the side of the cupboard, which was not as hot, and there he sat until I turned the oven off, the furnace cooled and he could safely scamper wherever he liked.

This is rather a cute spider story in my opinion - 'arachnoid triumphs over trial'. The happy ending almost fills one with a warm glow...

Not so today's story. This makes me recoil with absolute horror. Especially since it went from bad to worse!

I flicked the doona off the bed so I could change the sheets, and as you know, out jumped THE SPIDER. I gasped rather loudly and squeaked out a plea for help. Frank marched boldly into the room and together we peered under the dressing table - sure enough, there was the big, reddish-brown hairy monster crawling along the skirting board. We breathed a collective sigh of relief that it wasn't a white tail and Frank exited the room to collect an extermination device. I stood by the bed shaking, waiting for Frank to return and rescue me from the hideous sight. Frank reentered and bent down to kill the spider and....

... it was gone! No where in sight! As I stood cowering in fear, the little bugger had scampered away to freedom. We moved the dressing table, the laundry hamper, lifted the mat but it all to no avail. He could not be found. (Why do I always think of spiders as male?)

How awful! Even now I don't want to enter the bedroom. Frank may be sleeping soundly and safely, but what if the spider comes out and eats us in the night? Too terrible.

So as you go about your day on the other side of the globe, please spare a thought for me, asleep with the spider! If I don't post tomorrow, you'll know I've been carried off by the hoary beast.

(Is this revenge of the spiders? A spider revolt? A reddish-brown hairy beast sent on a reprisal mission? If so - I repent. I promise to never again participate in any form of spider torture. I'll just kill you straight out! I hereby commit to the humane treatment of all spiders within the four walls of my home. I'll also shut the front door every night, even if it is hot and muggy)



At 1:06 am, January 23, 2007, Anonymous Sandy said...

Your spider stories are too funny! Maybe their's a family and this one is the bigger cousin of the one you mentally tortured. They were probably all standing outside your window laughing at you. Thinking of you as the woman they can emotionally torture in revenge. Did you finally get to bed? When you do finally get him/her you should pin him on a little piece of card board, put it at your front door with a little sign saying, "To all spiders, if you don't want to end up like this, do not enter this household."

seriously, I love spiders, but when they enter my house; I show no sympathy. My son got bitten once, and he ended up at the doctor, had to take heavy antibiotics. Ever since then, I am the hunter of the spiders in my home and I show no mercy!

At 1:12 am, January 23, 2007, Anonymous Sandy said...

Cecily, sorry for the two comments. I came across a youtube that I thought you would get kick out of, have you seen this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9YTxff3pHU
It's a riot.

At 6:08 am, January 23, 2007, Blogger Robyn said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwww. I would not be able to sleep until we'd removed the spider if it were me. I hope you had an uneventful night with no spider dreams, and no real spiders either! (isn't it funny that we're both having spider dramas - can we blame global warming?!)

At 6:39 am, January 23, 2007, Blogger Cecily said...

you're right sandy - that is funny! I'm going to have to share it with my counselling study colleagues (I start next week!)

And definitely it's global warming! (Everything is global warming) It's too hot outside, so they come in to escape the heat... if it's not hot, there are flooding rains and they come in to escape the deluge! I'm sure you must be right!


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