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Sunday, November 04, 2012

privacy

I haven't been blog reading for a long time.  I don't have time, because I'm too busy repeatedly visiting the same seven sites over and over in closed circuit repetivity.  However, in the interests of NaBloPoMo community spirit, yesterday I clicked through to one of the blogs I used to read.  It has been closed down.  Not completely closed down, just 'I am not writing any more, that phase of my life has past, I am all about privacy now' closed down.  At least I know the author is still alive and has not met a grizzly demise.  (Actually, I re-found them on Twitter and they tweeted less than an hour ago - definitely alive and kicking)

It got me musing on privacy.  I haven't blogged much lately.  Apart from having no time because I am repeatedly visiting the same seven sites over and over in closed circuit repetivity, I haven't had the heart to blog.  It's been a hard year.  A bloody hard year.  I have not wanted to share much of that with anybody.  (Except my psychologist, who is perhaps rather tired of hearing of it all ad nauseam but I figure that's his job.)

Am I more private now than I was?  Maybe.  Maybe I'm just embarrassed that the same issues come up over and over.  Personal growth.  Not.  Possibly I grew tired of being judged for airing my private troubles and exposing my vulnerability without reciprocation.  One of my friends told me I am over emotional and need to deal with it.  Meanwhile their battles are played out in the privacy of their mind. (To be fair, most of my blogging friends were airing their thoughts.  Real life friends not so much)

Perhaps I'm not more private or more scared, just more wise in what I share. Staying away from blogging has meant I've journalled my most intimate thoughts and feelings.  That has been healing.

So if I jot out posts about the trivia of life, maybe that's not about privacy so much as with  finding little things soothing when big problems refuse to resolve the way I'd like them to.  Or maybe, like my blogging friend, it's time to hang up the blogging hat.

I'm not sure.  In the meantime I'm blogging but not linking anywhere, a kind of semi-false privacy.  If you stumble across this, well done.  If not, my musings are between me and... the world I suppose.  All food for thought don't you think?

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3 Comments:

At 1:10 pm, November 04, 2012, Blogger Leah said...

Hey Cecily! Good to see you blogging again. :) You may have been referring to my site (or I'm really vain). I'm a middle school teacher now which makes my life pretty public. I don't need my 150 students reading stuff and taking it out of context. It really is funny how I've become much more private, and am okay with that. I admire people who can be so public and honest- I just realized that wasn't what I was being called to. I also think blogging has changed a lot in the last five years. For a while there, it was a different place- a place to connect and ponder with like souls. But since everyone and their mother (literally) in online now, the conversation has changed. It's more like TV and magazines, and less like a magical place to work out who I am - to me,anyway. I'm glad you're doing NaBloPoMo- like you, I am sad to click though and ot see the voices ot here that I love so much. It will be nice to see yours again.

 
At 9:43 pm, November 05, 2012, Blogger cecily said...

It was you Leah :-) And I hope you didn't think I was saying you should still be out there... was just kinda bummed that I couldn't keep up with how you are. Then I remembered twitter and I kinda still can!

I agree blogging has changed. Blogs are either rubbish or totally focussed on a topic. I don't think ours fit in either category (hehehe, I'm vain too), but it is all a bit soul-less now! Anyway, you got me musing, so thank you for that. :-)

 
At 1:31 pm, November 11, 2012, Anonymous 2paw said...

I like semi-privacy, semi disclosure!!

 

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