I haven't been blog reading for a long time. I don't have time, because I'm too busy repeatedly visiting the same seven sites over and over in closed circuit repetivity. However, in the interests of NaBloPoMo community spirit, yesterday I clicked through to one of the blogs I used to read. It has been closed down. Not completely closed down, just 'I am not writing any more, that phase of my life has past, I am all about privacy now' closed down. At least I know the author is still alive and has not met a grizzly demise. (Actually, I re-found them on Twitter and they tweeted less than an hour ago - definitely alive and kicking)
It got me musing on privacy. I haven't blogged much lately. Apart from having no time because I am repeatedly visiting the same seven sites over and over in closed circuit repetivity, I haven't had the heart to blog. It's been a hard year. A bloody hard year. I have not wanted to share much of that with anybody. (Except my psychologist, who is perhaps rather tired of hearing of it all ad nauseam but I figure that's his job.)
Am I more private now than I was? Maybe. Maybe I'm just embarrassed that the same issues come up over and over. Personal growth. Not. Possibly I grew tired of being judged for airing my private troubles and exposing my vulnerability without reciprocation. One of my friends told me I am over emotional and need to deal with it. Meanwhile their battles are played out in the privacy of their mind. (To be fair, most of my blogging friends were airing their thoughts. Real life friends not so much)
Perhaps I'm not more private or more scared, just more wise in what I share. Staying away from blogging has meant I've journalled my most intimate thoughts and feelings. That has been healing.
So if I jot out posts about the trivia of life, maybe that's not about privacy so much as with finding little things soothing when big problems refuse to resolve the way I'd like them to. Or maybe, like my blogging friend, it's time to hang up the blogging hat.
I'm not sure. In the meantime I'm blogging but not linking anywhere, a kind of semi-false privacy. If you stumble across this, well done. If not, my musings are between me and... the world I suppose. All food for thought don't you think?
Labels: nablopomo 12