Thursday, November 29, 2012

my second rate life

One of the teachers at school is about to go on maternity leave.  It's a poignant event she thought might never come.  As is usual, all the staff brought baby gifts and morning tea for a celebration today.  The last one was held a month or so ago and a baby girl has since been born.  I avoided going to that event by hanging out with the kids, but today I felt I should be there.

The whole thing must have been weighing on my mind because I dreamed about it last night.  It all ended in tears when I walked out of the room crying about not being pregnant myself, but it was only a dream, and at least it reminded me to get up and get a present out of my present drawer (yay, one thing less in there) and cook something for the morning tea.

Of course everyone was talking about babies when I came into the staff room today.  This one is pregnant and so is that one, and did you know she is too?, and everyone seems to be pregnant now don't they?  Just the kind of conversation I love being around for.  Then the teacher came in and everyone rejoiced with her for having made it this far.

The formality was a brief speech by another member of staff before the official handing over of two baskets stuffed with baby gifts.  "Well done for making it this far... etc, we have journeyed with you all the way..."  Then the clincher:  "The best of your life is starting now."

Right then.  Meaning Cecily the loser, who doesn't have a child?  Cecily, the one with the second rate life who can't experience the best because she hasn't had a baby?

Thanks a bloody lot.

I left pretty soon after that.

Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure this person would be horrified to know what effect their words had.  But that's the whole point.  People don't think about what they say a lot of the time.  And I just suck it up all the time.  But if you think I'm becoming a recluse or avoiding you... maybe it's because you said something bloody awful and stupid.  Don't worry.  Even my mum does it.  And if my dad would stop asking me 'any more news?' all the time, things would be a whole lot better too.


At 9:26 am, November 30, 2012, Anonymous 2paw said...

Truly, Life never turns out the way you think it will, and whatever happens, I think, is what is meant to be. Not that I am a shining example, but I do endorse happiness, Pollyanna, acceptance and being grateful. None of which I do all the time.
I am sad that you are sad and I hope that you are feeling happier anon.


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