"step inside my office"

Lest you all think I am a domestic goddess amusing myself with nothing but housework, today my humble offering is a story from the workplace. The voices from the past still feature - will I ever shake them?!

Today I was wandering through a ward I cover when the manager looked up and asked to speak with me in her office.

"Sure," I said confidently, "No problem. I have time for that."

Inside I quaked and muttered "Help! She rarely has time to talk to me. What must have happenned? I feel like a kid caught in the act."

I smiled wryly to myself and did some quick self reality therapy: You are 31 years old. You do not need to be afraid. You are not powerless. You are in control of your response.

Big breath and step inside the office.

Sure enough, something had happenned. A certain member of staff had heard from another member of staff that I had said something about them. Chinese whispers in the workplace.

In this instance, I honestly couldn't remember making any comment. I asked the manager to offer my apology if I had unwittingly caused offence, and assured her that I would be happy to talk to the member of staff if necessary.

But I still felt like a kid on the mat!

There's just no denying I have a tongue in my mouth. It often got me into trouble as a girl - I have vague recollections of a huge bust up between my Dad and the school librarian when I was in grade 6. No idea what the problem was now, but I've never forgotten that sinking feeling of my words coming back to eat me.

Sometimes my tongue races away with me and says things it shouldn't. Sometimes about other people. Never anything blatant, just a hint of aspersion. (How's that for dissassociation? Me saying things I shouldn't? Never - it's just my tongue saying them!)

I can't remember saying anything in relation to today's incident - but what else have I said that might find it's way back to the manager?

Oh Cecily... keep your mouth shut. Bight your tongue! Hold in those words. They don't need to be said.

Reminds me of that verse in James "The tongue is an unruly evil that no man can contain." In modern day language: "This is scary: You can tame a tiger but you can't tame a tongue - it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer." (James 3:7 MSG)

One good thing is that no tongue has ever been tamed - I am not alone!

I've been on the mat long enough today! Time to get up, shake myself down and step out of the office. I may never gain full control of my tongue, but I can work at taking more care with how I use it.

I will endeavour to eat my unedifying words before they can come back to eat me!