chameleon. not.

My poor hairdresser!

I went and had a bit of a do today. Not just a cut, but a colour too. First I asked her if I had nits or lice. I'm paranoid I've caught nits or lice from the kids at school... they all come cuddling and smooching and unintentionally rubbing their nit-ridden hair across my arm or shoulder or (shudder) head. I can hardly push them away, though I walk a fine line... don't want them to feel unloved by not touching them, but would prefer not to be accused of child abuse either. I figure most of them need a few hugs, so I return the hug and step away quickly. However I always wonder if those lice might not have jumped on over to my hair. I am pleased to report, to now, they have not.

Anyway, this was what I had done:

Before

After

Maybe the pictures aren't so outstandingly different, but for me it's a huge change. I'm in shock. So is my hairdresser. She thought I was going to cancel my appointment, and I very nearly did!

I don't know. It's like the hair straightener issue. Much to Charmaine's amusement (or is it chagrin?) I have continued to resist purchasing a hair straightener. I even managed to restrain myself from buying the $3 pair I saw at the op shop! Every time I get my hair done Charmaine deliberately pulls out the straighteners and irons my hair in an attempt to convince me I need them. She even told me today that if she is ever offered a free set of hair straightening tongs by a supplier she is going to accept them and pass them straight on to me! I still think hair straighteners illustrate our obsession with perfection, appearances and illusions. I still don't think I really need them.

The same goes for hair colouring really. I am gently graying. Catch me on a bad day and I don't like it, but mostly I don't mind. That's life. I have few wrinkles, but at least my hair shows I've seen a bit of life. I want to be someone who embraces my aging and enjoys each phase of my life. I don't need to colour my hair.

Which is why I really can't explain why I decided to go ahead and colour it. I think Frank said 'You'd look nice with a bit of blonde in your hair' one evening, I went to the hairdresser soon after and the appointment was made. All month I've wrestled with the booking. I nearly cancelled a couple of times. I was musing to a friend the other day about whether I should do it or not (mountain out of a mole hill) and she told me it's just a hair colour - do it and enjoy it!

So I did. I sat in the chair and said 'Go ahead, dye my hair'. So now I have a chocolatey brown base colour with soft copper and blonde highlights. Frank thinks it looks fantastic, Charmaine loves it, I like it. But. But. But. Mixed in with the appreciation of my new look is a strong case of dissonance between what is and my ideal! What about the chemicals I've been purging from my diet and home and life? What about the environmental impact of dying my hair? What about the principles and values I hold dear?

And for goodness sake - why stress so much over it? It's a hair colour for goodness sake. Enjoy it. Revel in it. Stop turning everything in your life into a damn crusade Cecily! We've had enough crusades. Chill out and embrace change. Come on. Pull yourself together girl!

Really, I do like it.