hanging in by a whisker

I am just coping with life at the moment.

Not in an extreme, fall apart, do myself damage kind of way, just in a 'how long must I hold myself upright' way. I am exhausted and I have been for months.

Not that I really help myself - blogging until late, rising early (and checking the blogosphere again. Are you proud of me - no blogs for two days?!), hectic scheduling, entertaining guests. On and on and on, always something doing.

At work I'm barely managing to do anything productive. Somewhere along the way, checking for comments on my blog started taking priority over real work! It got to the point that last week I had to ask Frank to keep me accountable. When he arrived home he was under strict instructions to check how many times I went on the internet for un-work related matters in one day. I was so proud when I could say 'none. zilch. zip. zero!' I got quite a lot done that day! But it didn't reduce the pain of the alarm the next morning. It called me from my dreams as shrilly as ever and propelled my brain into immediate action: 'It can't be a work day today! The alarm is wrong! Go back to sle... oh it is a work day. Get up Cecily.' And off I trundled for another dollar. Hopefully a well earned dollar.

So 4:30pm on December 21 is highlighted with flashing neon lights in my mind - the moment holidays begin! The minute I go into shutdown. Serious shutdown! We're not going go church, we're not seeing people...

Oh. Um. I just remembered I wouldn't mind catching up with some girlfriends! And there is the small matter of a pre-Christmas BBQ with my workamates.

OK, so we'll mostly be in serious shutdown. Just Frank and I, taking things quietly. Trips to the beach. A bush walk or two. (as long as there is some bush left that hasn't been burned to a crisp in the hideous fires) Movies galore. (Did you see the movie show tonight? Every single movie looked great!) It all sounds rather heavenly. If we can hold ourselves back from all the housework that beckons, we just might start 2007 feeling relaxed and refreshed.

Speaking of a relaxed and refreshed beginning to the new year, this is the first year for six years that I haven't packed up and moved house over the summer! That's got to add to the relaxation quotient! (Secretly, that was one of the big attractions of getting married, apart from my lovely husband of course! The chance to settle down and stay put)

So off I go to keep hanging in by a whisker.

(Christmas cards might push me over the edge, so if you don't receive one before Christmas - it's not you. It's me!)