Don't give up on me

Magnanimous or pusillanimous, beautiful from the inside out...
...there seems to be a theme running through my life at the moment.

Something like "Get your act together Cecily, and JUST STOP being such a nasty, selfish person!"

If only it were that easy! I remember reading once that if you ask God to change you, he just might put you in situations that test the depth of your change... so I ask God to help me become more gracious; may my first thought not be nasty but gentle and kind.

And he brings every annoying person across my path, providing opportunity after opportunity to demonstrate grace, gentleness and kindness. And I keep on mucking up (does this mean endless encounters with annoying people? ARGHHHH!)

I found a song that captures the endless struggle - I'm not the only in this fix!

Have your way
Charlie Hines

In my own strength I've tried
To live a holy life
Struggling till the end
Then you find me on my knees
Praying God forgive me please
And I'll try again

So when will victory be mine
I'm running out of faith and time
To live on a mountain top
It takes more than a will to climb

Have your way with me
Let your strength be what flows from me
And let the blood that ran down Calvary
(And let the blood that you shed for me)
Run through me
Oh Lord have your way with me

It seems like self never dies
The harder I try
It comes back for more
There are times I lose this fight
Before the battle has begun
And your blessings must await once more

Though this flesh is what covers me
Holy Spirit take control of me
When I want to give in
Don't give up on me
'Cause where grace abounds
Is where I want to be

It's a bit flat on the screen, but this song sounds beautiful, and it captures how I'm feeling.

So God - don't give up on me... with your help I'll make it!