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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

windy city

Warning: This post discusses bodily functions in a very nurse like manner (ie professional, detached, as if discussing the weather). Do not proceed further if you have any kind of polite sensibilities. You will be offended, and I will not be liable, as this warning absolves me of any responsibility.

I've been thinking about wind quite a bit lately. Not the wind that blows icicles across the Southern Ocean or chills from the snow capped mountains - wind from the back passage (as surgeons sometimes delightfully describe it). Farting.

Everyone does it. On average fourteen times a day. (I must ask - how do you compare to the average? I dare you to count!)

If we all do it, many times a day why are we embarrassed about this? Why do we try to hide it? Pretend we don't do it in public? (I'm ignoring the jocks who think it's hilarious to pass wind at close quarters) Or is that just women? We don't want it to be known that we engage in this kind of activity? Come on people, even the Queen farts! She must - 14 times a day remember!

Now here is my dilemma. We all do it, but we all feel socially restrained and try and hide it in public. (I'm remembering a hilarious nurse fart story, but maybe later...) Let's get personal. I do it, but I try and hide it in public.

Winter is making me concerned about how hidden my farts really are!

Consider this. On a cold, cold morning, as you breathe through your mouth, you see the steam of your breathe. As a car drives past, the warm exhaust fumes form a visible cloud as they escape the exhaust pipe. Hot air is visible when the atmosphere is cold.

Does this mean my farts are visible, trailing out behind me as I walk to work? (We all do it! No sniggering!)

My work trousers are thin. Tasmania is cold in winter, but not freezing, so I don't need a full length coat to scurry from one place to another... are my farts visible to those who pass by me? Does the warm air escape the trousers and turn to steam as easily as the cold air whips through them?

Scary thought. I'm working at reducing my fart average to two... just in case.

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8 Comments:

At 9:42 am, July 24, 2007, Blogger merrymishaps said...

Ha ha. Not offensive at all ... just funny :)

But now I'm wondering about visible farts!

 
At 11:34 am, July 24, 2007, Blogger Robyn said...

Forget sniggering, I'm just about crying with laughter at the visual image of you with toots trailing behind you....! Hilarious. I'm sure that the fabric would trap it though, wouldn't it? Maybe try standing outside with your trousers over your head so Frank can tell you if your breath is visible?! ;)
(you will tell me the hilarious fart story later, won't you? Did I tell you about when I was just finishing a lady's back, the surgical dresser still had her over on her side when she farted and a big puff of powder rose from her bottom? The lady thought she'd snuck one by us and David and I just about killed ourselves trying not to laugh in front of her!)

 
At 11:46 am, July 24, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now we're going to start counting, and watching really closely. JG/MA

 
At 2:05 am, July 25, 2007, Blogger Angela said...

hahahahahahahahahah.
oh! that was fantastic.

 
At 8:46 pm, July 25, 2007, Anonymous Karen said...

Sigh! My comment on this is now posted on your dentist blog...never mind...if you were a cow you could probably harness it and use it for heating - or to run the family car :o)

 
At 12:45 pm, July 28, 2007, Anonymous Lady Las Fartas said...

I love how you just bring your thoughts right to the surface. I can tell you had brothers growing up; being a nurse probably makes it worse.

Confession, I'm probably above average. But I don't fart, I'm a lady!

 
At 4:22 pm, July 28, 2007, Blogger Cecily said...

OK, I won't out you... but Lady Las Fartas, I love the name!! Hahahaha.

Glad you all had a good laugh - happy counting!

 
At 4:40 am, August 02, 2007, Blogger Pam said...

Oh Cecily, I needed the laugh you just gave me! I frequently accuse certain people in this household (never myself, however) of leaving contrails like an airplane as the aroma seems to follow them through the room as they walk by after farting...

 

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